Thursday, 19 December 2013

Top ten bands of 2013

2013 was a whopper year for new music. We had new releases from (Acoustic group), (British hip-hop artist), (British hip-hop artist), (Garge rock band that has never been previously mentioned in an article), (Folk duo), a new David Bowie album and a collective and resounding sigh of defeat from the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. Indeed, it's been a great year for music, again. So instead of boring you all with the same old top tens you can find anywhere else on far more reputable blogs and webzines, I'd like to offer you ten bands, new and old, that have been constants on my electronic music devices all year round.

For this sniveling keyboard monkey, on scanning my own list, it seems like good old fashioned rock n' roll was on the cards this past year. With seven of the bands featured on the list owning most of their back catalogue to KISS and AC/DC, it looks like I must have spent 2013 with a perpetual aura of sleaze. It certainly explains all the denim and the lack of human contact. I also wore a particularly lecherous mustache for a lot of this year. Here are some of the bands to blame for that;


Turbonegro have been my go-to band for good vibes this year. From their shameless cock rock to their seething, snarling death punk tracks, they're the kind of band that kick you right in the arse and say "Little sissy man, get out of that chair. It is time to make fuck to your brain".

Electric Six

A band that I had forgotten about entirely until last January. Our exams were coming up and I had Electric Six's "Absolute Pleasure" live album on repeat throughout the harrowing experience. Nothing fills a man up with confidence like some down and dirty, drunk uncle rock n' roll.

Dragged Into Sunlight

Nothing but filthy, depraved extreme metal to be found here. I use the term "extreme metal", because there's no other way to define this band. They take all of those metal genres, mash them up into a fine powder and snort them up with a hollowed out finger.

Nine Pound Hammer

Nine Pound Hammer go well with just about anything. You drinking? Nine Pound Hammer. You on your way to college? Nine Pound Hammer. You running aimlessly on a treadmill? Nine Pound Hammer. They open up a whole can of worms with every listen, and each worm has its own set of good feels.


The stench of Motorhead off this band is undeniable and neither is their ability to rattle your boots. This is the kind of band that can break your neck and break your "edge". They are probably responsible for more terrible decisions I made this year than I am.

Church Of Misery

Had this been last year, most of this list would have been populated by bands like Church Of Misery, but that is not the case. These Japanese doomsters survived the great doom clear-out of 2013 simply by being the only one to release a new album, one that had me reeling for months afterwards.

The Hookers

I think I've blared Horror Rises From The Tombs a good (insert exaggerated number here) times this year and it never fails to please. This band deliver the kind of rock n' roll fix that's soaked with whisky, testosterone and bad intentions.

Eagles Of Death Metal

It's no surprise I looked like a 1950s greaser most of this year. The lords Jesse Hughes and Josh Homme and their tainted devil music told me to do it. The world isn't going to end if you drink another jagerbomb, do it. Wax your hair back, do it. Dance using only your pelvis. Do it. Satan commands you.


Another set of doom giants to make the cut this year was Conan. There are none heavier and none as vicious as this three-piece from Liverpool. They are the sound of early man discovering fire and immediately using it to burn down everything in his path.

The entire Powerviolence genre at once

No video needed.

I'm still new to Powerviolence, I am but an initiate in the world of this nasty, bold boy music, but nothing has sounded so right since I first heard Sex Prisoner and Sick/Tired. While 2013 has most certainly been the year of rock n' roll, I expect 2014 will be a return to full filthy heaviness. I've Powerviolence to thank for that. 

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