Friday, 6 December 2013

Alien fish monster spotted in Bristol harbour. The time is upon us.

Embrace your loved ones, leave no knots untied, drink that ancient wine, for the world as we know it is soon to be masked in darkness eternal.

The Telegraph today reported a sighting in Bristol harbour of a luminous, tentacled creature lurking in the waters. Video footage shows a number of people huddled together with their cameras, trying to record the alien creature and though hazy at times, there are very clear shots of the alien beast. This occurrence has left marine biologists puzzled and though many explanations have been put forward and wavered, we all know what this really means.

Scientists have claimed that perhaps this creature was of a variety of jellyfish or marine salp, others have claimed it a hoax by Bristol street artist Banksy. All are incorrect.

Video footage of our coming doom

I, for one, will welcome our ancient alien masters with open arms. Though we may be enslaved, tortured and harvested for cosmic energy, we, as the human race, will finally be of some use to someone. Cultural walls will be smashed, race and creed will no longer be of any use, we will all become willing servants to the evil that creeps from the sea.

If you are, however, fearful of the coming holocaust, I suggest that you spend your final few hours with your loved ones. Do the things you'd always planned on doing. Dropkick your boss, tell her you love her, drink an entire bottle of Toilet Duck. Do what you must, but please remember, this is for the best. If you are sent to the death camps, you will at least know eternal silence, while the rest of us toil for our darkened sea emperor.

As this will be my final blog entry, I would just like to get something off my chest.

You are all arseholes. Each and every one of you. I never liked any of you. Especially you. I dipped my finger in your pint while you weren't looking. You prick.

Farewell comrades. The aurora of a black and wicked age begins.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

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