Tuesday, 3 December 2013

Grim and Frostbitten Christmas

The bleak dominion of Winter has descended upon us. We have erected once more the grim and sullen Frosty the Snowman above our local chemists, thus beginning the ritual of the spectral nightmoonfrost. This is a time to celebrate he of the horned crown and to offer our infernal praise to his governing agent, Frosty, whose lust for blood unquenchable, who will drink deeply in the suffering of the Nazarene. The time is upon us, human scum, let us exalt the god of hatred, the inverted bobsledding mountainbeast. Let us adorn our fallen trees with abysmal decorative objects and may we rejoice at a table bound with carnage feast. Indeed, brothers and sisters, let us deck the halls with boughs unholy.

Immortal - Grim and Frostbitten Kingdoms

Foolish bastard swine, you have left the slain fowl in the oven for longer than the recommended time allotment, curse you! Now we must feast on overly-blackened death bird. I do not know if this makes our dinner more kvlt or not, but it will most certainly prove to be more difficult to digest. This lack of care in the preparation of turkey carcass is surely cause enough for the extermination of the human race. 

Darkthrone - Snowfall

Ah yes! Those sleigh bells which herald the coming onslaught have begun to chime. May he, the bearded patron of darkness visit us neath the pale frostmoon and deliver to us coal as black as our eyeliner. Come, Satan Clavs, and bring forth your frightful gifts!

Sargeist - Echoes from a Morbid Night

The children, how they sing of this powerless Nazarene, disgusting! Let us join together beneath the spellbound monolith and induce the vampiric winter trance, for it is the only way in which we can banish these sodden, repulsive progeny and their tiny decorative torso fabric.

Emperor - The Majesty of the Night sky

Aghast! Though clearly I had requested the limited edition demo tape of Feoousforoth's "Kunteskuggen", you have instead gifted me with the translucent red vinyl edition of their full release, "Smaglogsborg". You ignorant filth! May the curse of one thousand hellstorms reign upon you!

Impiety - Sodomythical Frostgoats

I partook too deeply in the consumption of mulled wine and have now soiled myself before my brethren! Fortunately, my leather jeans have foiled the stain. However, the scent remains. There are now two choices before me, sneak to my brother's cleansing chamber or wallow in this putrid deathstink. This happens every year. Next year we're having dinner at mine! GAH!

No comments:

Post a Comment