Sunday, 11 May 2014

The Hilarious World Of White Supremacy Fan Fiction And Poetry

I'm a very open-minded person, critical and sometimes insensitive, but I like to give people a fair shake, even if they're brainwashed collectivist sheep who honestly believe that crime and cruelty belong exclusively to non-whites and that our racial history is somehow being "trampled on"...despite the fact that, well, it really isn't. These are people who simply don't understand globalization, and if they do understand it, they're blaming it for every little shitty thing that happens to them in their day to day lives. The way I see it is, if you have to look to your skin colour or heritage for your main source of pride, you're simply a sheep with no concept of personal identity. A worker ant, a limbless android. You have nothing to be proud of at all, so you look to your ancestors, glorified worm food, because you're too afraid to brave the bold new world where you're no longer at the top of the food chain. 

Seriousness aside, this blog isn't about politics, that's for neckbeards and bedridden snake people. I'd instead like to talk about possibly the greatest literary genre since Bizzarro. Ladies and ghouls, I give you white pride short fiction and poetry.

Now, as I said, I like to give people a fair shake, no matter who they are. I'm not a brown-fingered liberal who sees the worst in everything, I can appreciate art when I see it, and believe it or not; it wasn't actually as easy as you'd think to find laughable content on Stormfront's fiction and poetry section. I actually threw my eyes over some really great prose and poetry featured on the site, even if the message was simply "Booo! Black folk!".

But even though there were some gems to be found on the site, it was still choc-a-bloc with the kind of woeful and side-splitting material you'd likely find at the back of the weird kid's notebook. If you read closely, you can almost picture the authors scribbling these little ditties on their maths copies at the back of the class while scowling and humming the lyrics to some atrocious Skrewdriver track.

Hah-hah, Ian Stewart died like a bitch.

I'm not even going to annotate these excerpts and poems, I'm pretty sure you'll enjoy them without any kind of snarky commentary. I will however offer a short synopsis at the beginning of each.

Excerpt "My Struggle, A Short Story About Adolf Hitler" by Anonymous 

(The trials and tribulations of teen Hitler and his asshole dad)

Alois slipped on his boots to work outside on the farm, and Klara returned silently to her housework. The conversation had ‘ended,’ as Adolf sat glumly in his chair. Adolf was not yet ready to concede defeat.

“I shall not be a civil servant,” Adolf said. “I shall be an artist.”

“What?!” Alois asked. “You shall do as I say, or you will no longer be permitted to attend the Realschule.”

“If you deny me my dream of becoming a painter,” Adolf said, “I shall show you my contempt on my report cards.”

“How dare you speak to me in this manner,” Alois said, his brow crossed. His twelve year old son was equally stern. Alois crossed his arms, the smaller version of himself sat in a chair, arms crossed as well.

“You shall not be an artist!”

“Oh, yes!”

“I will hear no more of this,” Alois said and stormed out of the cottage.

Adolf looked at his mother, who gave him a sympathetic glance, but was conflicted in her own struggle between the two males she was to take care of. A knock was heard on the door. Klara opened it up and a bitterness came over her face.

“Is Adolf here?” A husky boy named Diederich asked, with no formalities.

Adolf grabbed his bag and ran out the door before his mother could protest.

“I love you, Mom,” Adolf said in haste and ran out the door.

Excerpt from the poem "My RAGE will keep me warm" by Anonymous

(A homeless dude is pissed off because he's homeless and white. He won't 'yield', even though he constantly censors himself. The fire in his heart will keep him warm, except it won't. He'll probably die)

I was deposited unceremoniously onto the streets
Nobody cares if I ****ing freeze
But they can dream on, I will not yield
I’m tougher than that, won’t quit til I’m killed
And I’ll always declare that with feeling and loud
So **** them, I’ll sleep in a ****ing doorway, but I will not leave
This city is mine with no reprieve
For the want of a roof, I’ll not forsake
My ideals – what more can they take?!
At least on this street I can say what I please
And don’t worry, I will not freeze
Because the spitting rage, the pride in my race and the fire in my heart will always keep me warm.

"My Very First Poem" by Anonymous

("OMG Jews are just THE WORST" by Samantha, age 8)

They thought we would run, they thought we were weak.
But they didnt know we would never be beat.
The Jew and his money, they laugh in our face.
They say they will destroy the Great White Race!
The Klan is Invisible, we know this is true.
Our race has many enemies, but the main ones the Jew.
He slithers and hides, like a venomous snake.
But there is one solution, cut its head off with a rake.

The Jews are the ones that are scared.
The Jews are the ones that are weak.
So grab yourselves some shovels, and dig some holes thats 6 ft deep!

"Hail Hitler" by Anonymous

(Hitler is really brave and an inspiration to all. That's why he blew his brains out in a bunker with his weirdly hot wife)

Hail Hitler

His time was precious
But he didn't mind.
He damned the cautious
Notions of his time.

He took control
Of a tattered land.
By no means was he a fool
When this man decided to stand.

His goals were selfless
And all too pure.
He saw the awful mess
That was committed by manure [Jews].

Had he not done his best,
So many would have suffered.
He put communism to the test,
And found nationalism to be assured.

Hitler is a hero.
For this thing I am sure.
We will think of him tomorrow
And all the days we procure.

Hail Hitler!

If you're so inclined, why not head on over to Stormfront and have a laugh at some of their nonsensical rants and pseudo-intellectual diarrhea. Unless you're the type that's easily brainwashed, because they're very good at that over there. Live long and prosper, friends, and remember; don't just hate one portion of the world, hate everybody equally. 

Take care now.

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