Monday, 29 September 2014

Dave Navarro Is A Piece Of Shit And You've Always Known It.

Injustice is a recurring theme in the chronicles of human existence. So much so that even the concepts of unfairness and abomination are hammered into the minds of children lest their little legs become strong enough to take them on a journey to certain failure. We never get exactly what we want, we never really write our names in the sky, we just take what's offered to us after a long, arduous reality and deteriorate slowly with the false notion that we lived for something.

You helped build a city, yet your name is long forgotten. You took bullets to every one of your limbs, just to spit in the enemy's face and cry out loudly your mad notions of freedom, yet your name dies along with you. You're the honest one, making an honest day's wage to feed a modest family, and your memory will fizzle away on the paling lips of your grandchildren. 

Life is a black flower blooming disappointment, you will be forgotten, and Dave Navarro will be remembered because he played with the Chili Peppers while their real guitarist was killing himself with heroin.

I will interlude no further. I fucking hate Dave Navarro, and here's four reasons why he's absolutely the worst person in the history of people.

1. Dave Navarro was kicked out of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and his tenure as lead guitarist was a shitty one.

You see that, check out 00:40 of that music video for 'Aeroplane'. You'll notice that Navarro is pretending to play while he isn't even supposed to be playing. That, as far as I'm concerned, sums up Navarro's time with the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Pretending to be something you're simply not. He played guitar on the album that nearly killed them, then he was given the boot. End of story.

2. Dave Navarro was kicked out of his marriage with Carmen Electra. 

Not only were they one of the very first victims of reality television, having an entire series dedicated to the lead-up to their wedding, but their marriage lasted all of three years before Electra realised that her husband was just a pound shop Prince with no credible band. I don't care what your philosophy on love or its meaning is, this whole thing astonished me even at the age of 12. It must also be noted that I won't even so much as breathe the same air as Carmen Electra, while Tutankhamun here has explored every intricacy of her lithe form with his penor. 

3. Dave Navarro keeps a bowl of tampons in his kitchen.

Quite naturally, Dave Navarro has some cool shit in his house. Well done, you've got Kurt Cobain's guitar and Marilyn Manson put the bottle of absinthe down long enough to paint you, I bet you love the Californian street cred. However, a blown up version of the famous Vietnamese execution photo in his hallway wasn't enough for the ever 'edgy' Navarro. No, he decided that the only thing that could possibly bring him more goth cred would be a bowl of fucking tampons in his kitchen where he eats. I shouldn't have to go any further with this.

4. Dave Navarro is doing all within his power to transform into Prince.

"Oh, hi, my name is Da-...the artist formerly of The Red Hot Chili Peppers."

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