So it looks like you don’t know who you are yet. That’s
wonderful, none of us do. Finding out who you are can be a scary journey that
might unearth a whole universe of self-disgust and rage, but it needn’t be so
traumatic, you silly moo. We at TMINI believe that abusing solvents is a
fantastic way of hiding yourself from yourself, but if you’re more the adventurous
type, then why not take our super cool personality test? We can put you in
touch with the you that you didn’t know was you. Isn’t that so cool?
You’re about to answer a series of option questions, so be
sure to keep a pencil or pen on your person so you can keep track of your
answers! We can’t do it all for you, right? AHAHAHAHA.
You READY?
1. Would you consider yourself a nervous person?
A) No way, José! Where's the party at?
B) I'd prefer not to answer.
C) 'Some labels are better left in the closet'
D) Only when I spot the Jack Tar with me spyglass! Yargh!
2. Would you consider yourself creative?
A) If by 'creative' you mean 'windsurfing', then yeah, sometimes!
B) I am not required to divulge my talents or tastes with you.
C) 'It wasn't logic, it was love.'
D) I'll get woeful creative when yer kissing the gunner's daughter, ye bilge rat!
A) If by 'creative' you mean 'windsurfing', then yeah, sometimes!
B) I am not required to divulge my talents or tastes with you.
C) 'It wasn't logic, it was love.'
D) I'll get woeful creative when yer kissing the gunner's daughter, ye bilge rat!
3. What kind of role do you take in team project scenarios?
A) I'm the Il Duce of getting spookay.
B) I prefer to work alone. Don't touch my smartphone.
C) 'Maybe you're only alloted a certain amount of tears per man; and I've used mine up.'
B) I prefer to work alone. Don't touch my smartphone.
C) 'Maybe you're only alloted a certain amount of tears per man; and I've used mine up.'
D) I swab the deck handsomely or else I meet the keel barnacles. Yargh.
4. What is a conger eel, even?
A) No idea, but I wanna party with it!
B) A variety of predatory eel found in most regional seas. Don't touch my smartphone.
C) 'Was Miranda right? Were we enemies? Is there a secret cold war between marrieds and singles?'
D) Aghast! Give no quarter to that slithering sea devil, lads!
5. A rainy day with a book or a sunny stroll on the beach?
A) You've never rain beached before?
B) Either is fine. Do not touch my smartphone.
C) 'Here. Swear. Swear on Chanel.'
D) I leave the sand red with Navy guts!
6. What kind of music do you feel best describes you as a person?
A) Machine Gun Kelly and Kid Rock on a party bus!
B) I don't listen to music often. The opening jingle to Euronews. Don't touch my smartphone.
C) 'Oh, THAT guy.'
D) "The Coasts of High Barbary", a fine shanty!
7. What will become of me?
A) Stop harshing me out.
B) ...
C) 'One woman's Titanic is another woman's Love Boat.'
D) I'll see ye have the price for the ferryman, bucko.
8. Why does B) always let people buy him pints but never buys them one back?
A) Cardinal sin, dude. Cardinal sin.
B) I never asked you to buy me one. I never entered into a deal. Don't touch my laptop case.
C) 'Big wasn't a crush. He was a crash'
D) That landlubber never had a sip o' true grog.
4. What is a conger eel, even?
A) No idea, but I wanna party with it!
B) A variety of predatory eel found in most regional seas. Don't touch my smartphone.
C) 'Was Miranda right? Were we enemies? Is there a secret cold war between marrieds and singles?'
D) Aghast! Give no quarter to that slithering sea devil, lads!
5. A rainy day with a book or a sunny stroll on the beach?
A) You've never rain beached before?
B) Either is fine. Do not touch my smartphone.
C) 'Here. Swear. Swear on Chanel.'
D) I leave the sand red with Navy guts!
6. What kind of music do you feel best describes you as a person?
A) Machine Gun Kelly and Kid Rock on a party bus!
B) I don't listen to music often. The opening jingle to Euronews. Don't touch my smartphone.
C) 'Oh, THAT guy.'
D) "The Coasts of High Barbary", a fine shanty!
7. What will become of me?
A) Stop harshing me out.
B) ...
C) 'One woman's Titanic is another woman's Love Boat.'
D) I'll see ye have the price for the ferryman, bucko.
8. Why does B) always let people buy him pints but never buys them one back?
A) Cardinal sin, dude. Cardinal sin.
B) I never asked you to buy me one. I never entered into a deal. Don't touch my laptop case.
C) 'Big wasn't a crush. He was a crash'
D) That landlubber never had a sip o' true grog.
9. What's your ideal job?
A) Hacky Sack Doctor.
B) I work in risk and compliance at a bank.
C) 'She'll juggle, she'll spin plates, but she won't give head.'
D) To captain The Busty Hornswaggle.
A) Hacky Sack Doctor.
B) I work in risk and compliance at a bank.
C) 'She'll juggle, she'll spin plates, but she won't give head.'
D) To captain The Busty Hornswaggle.
10. What do you think of this, wise guy?
A) Braaaain draaaaain, oh wow.
B) I'm finished.C) 'Two hours and four chardonnays later, I was sleeping with the enemy.'
D) Shiver me timbers! That landlubber's crown is bewitched!
****** SEE YOUR RESULTS BELOW ******
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If you answered mostly A) YOU ARE FURIOUS FRED/FURIOUS FRAN!
You're so gnarly it makes people sick. If you were a colour, you'd be periwinkle. Everybody wants to party with you, but not everyone can hang with you. You dig?
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If you answered mostly B) YOU ARE A MISERABLE PEDOPHILE!
Whoa! God really fucked up when he made you, friend! Your intense materialism and entitlement issues are only the tip of your massive child-obsessed iceberg. You're the kind of guy that won't give your seat to a pregnant woman.
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If you answered mostly C) YOU ARE CARRIE BRADSHAW!
Uh-oh, here comes Carrie, getting all "Carrie'd away" again! Driven by raw emotions and a never-ending quest for dick, you can either be the life of the party or the total bummer, it all depends on how you're feeling on the day.
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If you answered mostly D) YOU ARE HAVING A SEIZURE!
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
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